Everything happens for a reason!
How many times have we all heard this?
Break up, missed out on a job, car broke down, missed bus/train/plane?
I’ve been told this by a clairvoyant and she says it takes a while, maybe years to see but then one day it will all make sense..
Now I have lost some very special people in my life and it still isn’t fair and I see no reason for it BUT I do think they tried to open my eyes and fix my life to get on the right track… this has just occured to me this second.
Summer 2003: first boyfriend, very exciting and nerve wracking time. Introduced him to the family all is good. Summer 2005 my uncle of 45 years old is winding me up saying I should stay away from my boyfriend I was worth ten of him… he was one for banter and pulling peoples legs, I also was only half listening because I was making sure my boyfriend was staying away from lets call her Shirley as I had the suspicion he’d cheated on me with her and she was always trying to get up on him like a dog on a bitch… but he’d never admit it and I was a naive 17 year old.
6 days later my beloved uncle passed away. I still to this day regret not paying him the respect to have a proper conversation with him and listen to the warning he was giving me while he had the chance!
He was missing for 9 torturous days and I was a wreck but my boyfriend was my rock although didn’t understand my need to be sitting on a beach from break of dawn to dusk waiting for him to come home, something we argued about incessantly but when I needed him he was there.
Then came the day my uncle was found and he was taken from the lifeboat in a coffin, all my family and myself included are hoping to wake up from this nightmare.. my boyfriend is holding me up for the weight of the grief causes my knees to buckle… what can be going through your head at such a time when a loved one is in such agony?
What was going through my boyfriends head was… I would like to be an undertaker what a cool job…. (I know right?) When he told me this was why he was, a few months later looking up funeral directors courses I was in awe and disbelief how a person could detatch themselves from that situation to that extent! So I supported him fully in his decision proud of what he was doing for grieving families but still wary of what had brought on the idea and at the time it had.
He went away for months of work experience, about 10 months in to the course and we split up. He said he didn’t love me anymore and I was deveastated beyond words.
What drove the knife in further was his work experience was in the same place Shirley lived and they had got back in touch. He denyed any relationship saying they were ‘just friends’…
After two months he came crawling and begging me to take him back and admitted much to my disgust that he had kissed Shirley and that had made him realise he wanted me and no one else forever more!
Now whether it was an ego boost or a band aid over the wound.. I agreed! We were together happily for another two years in which I got pregnant, unfortunately I was one of the unlucky 25% and it wasn’t to be but during scans a cyst was found and removed from my ovary, a blessing in disguise and my baby in heaven is my guardian angel.
Then he got offered a job which meant a relocation, which I was fine with, ever the supportive girlfriend and always up for a new adventure.
In June 2010 I received a text from my mum that I never expected, a good friend from school had died. I was again deveastated and immediately made arrangements with work to go home for the funeral in another country.
He was somewhat less than impressed as I had given my weekend off away to say goodbye to my dear friend and I got the silent treatment for it.
The funeral day was as trying as you can imagine and I spent the day reminiscing with my school friends and I left my closest and best friend crying asking me to stay as he couldn’t handle the grief alone. I boarded the ferry with a heavy heart and enormous guilt at leaving my friend behind but with a promise to call him every day. As I sat remembering the day and my friend, I couldn’t help but cry and reached for my phone to speak to my boyfriend. I was answered with a very formal ‘hello’ I said ‘hi where are you?’ Thinking maybe he was with a client and was interrupting hence the tone. I was answered with, ‘I’m at home but I’m a bit busy with company at the moment I’ll have to call you back’
I said ‘who is company?’
‘Claire, but she’s just leaving, gotta go’ dial tone!
Now Claire had been described to me as an overweight 30 something year old who was constantly complimenting him on his looks and had also added him to her ‘list’ but I wasn’t to worry because she was 30 odd and overweight. ..
So what the hell was she doing in my house and why as a fellow funeral director wouldn’t she understand that her colleagues girlfriend needed emotional support after a loss of a friend not to be hung up on in favour of her company!
I don’t think I need to tell you what happened when he called back but I got some stares from fellow passengers lets put it that way… what was worse is she knew I was away so decided to pop in for a cuppa… mmm…
Now I hadn’t mentioned before just what I had to do to make the funeral. ..
I woke at 8.15 Wednesday morning went to work then came home had dinner and prepared for the dreaded journey. .. got a 3 hour train ride to the ferry and then tok a four hour boat ride arrived in Ireland at 6am Thursday morning, had a cup of tea with my family not allowing anytime for caught up sleep as before I knew it, it was time to get ready. .. I spent the day as I said previously. Hope to get some kip on the ferry home was quickly dashed by the adrenaline from my rising temper .
When I arrived in the harbour I realised my train would arrive in the main station an hour and a half earlier than my train home leaving me sitting in an empty station at 5 in the morning unless my boyfriend would come get me,seen as I hadn’t seen bed in over 43 hours and it was going to be 7.30am Friday before I would, unless he drove 10 mins to come and get me considering I was due in work at 10.30am Friday I didn’t think therecwas much in the decision. No it was imossible because he too had work so would rather sleep cosy in bed and leave me freeze on a train platform for hours than take 30 mins out of his beauty sleep (why didn’t I turf his ass out I hear you say?)
Things were a little rocky from then it has to be said…
September 2010 I receive a call in work, another uncle has passed in the exact same manner and place as my uncle before!
Another mad dash home for a funeral and I don’t care what he is doing, I don’t care about work I am gone.. I received the call at 11.15, I am 2 and a 1/2 hours drive away from the ferry. .. I’m on it by 1.30!
He suprises me… he’s on the next ferry over to be there for me in my hour of need! Making up for a few months ago I think to myself…
It’s all a bit surreal and hazy. De ja vu and no one can quite believe we’re here again. Everyone comments on how marvellous he is being, but then that’s what he’s trained to do!
November 2010 he comes home with a bombshell… he’s cheated! Slept with someone who works in the crematorium… how creepy….
That does it… I’m gone out the door never looking back. I to this day haven’t seen him since!
One night about a year later, I’m bored so I peruse the Internet and hack his Facebook just to see what other lies he told me just for closure and pure curiosity….
Guess who he’s been in touch with despite being engaged now to Crem slut… Shirley! Oh and here’s the kicker. .. when they were meeting up as ‘just friends’ he was actually going out with her after splitting from me AFTER cheating on me with her!!!
Well you can again imagine my annoyance and pure disbelief!
Now your probably sitting here thinking I thought this was a philosophical blog post not some boo-hoo about an ill fated relationship. ..
Well lets map it out shall we?
2005 the idea comes in to his head to be an undertaker in the presence of my beloved uncles corpse just resumed from the sea… work experience for said job led to cheating and should have marked the end of our relationship (my dear uncle would be pleased) but it didn’t something brought us back together… I then got pregnant and a cyst was discovered…(maybe my uncle, maybe my nan who knows?)
2010 My dear friend passes and events occur from that, that should have had me running for the hills (I didn’t see what my lovely friend was pointing out to me so clearly)
Then my other uncle gets up there, they must have all had a chin wag and would you believe it, he slept with Crem slut on Halloween (the night of the dead) need I say more?
I truly believe that those close to me tried to show me the way and tried to arrange things to happen so I’d be led on the right path. It just suddenly occured to me tonight that the day my uncle was pulled from the sea he planted a seed that would prove him evidently right in the end. He always had to be right and the rest that followed has all interlinked!
Now that I was a single gal obviously I was keeping a keen eye out for my next beau and I seen someone that I thought was quite nice. I hadvnever spoken to him just watched from afar…
Then one night while out with a friend we got chatting and he later added me on Facebook but nothing came of it…
April 2012 another dear uncle passes and my family are over with me to collect his remains. My mum is on a man huntfor me but nobody catches my eye even from the twenty odd she points out… after having it all day and exhausted from yet more grief all I want to do is go home to bed BUT my aunty begs me to pop in for a drink…so I do. The first person I see is the guy I have my eye on and we say a polite hello but speak no more.
I’m here to support my aunt and mum after the loss of their brother so I sit at the bar and secretly point him out to mum who is less than impressed with my choice but I still sit and take a few sneaky peeks.
The next day my family travel home and I dread being left alone so I travel to my friend who I mentioned earlier who I had left grief stricken. We have a few drinks and I pluck up the courage to message the guy… a year and a half on we are living together and planning a family… yet again my higher forces are at work and my dear old uncles can’t help but meddle just a little 😉